So, I have a lot of feelings about asexual Dean. Let’s talk about that.
I know that for a lot of people, and admittedly me as well, when you identify with something, and you identify with another thing, you often try to combine the two. I dunno if I’ve ever, per se, identified with Dean Winchester but I have always been extremely fond of him. It was Sam I identified with, I think that’s why I was constantly trying to turn him into a woman and also a lesbian whenever I wrote him, that’s how I liked him best.
But Dean, he always seemed to be the person I wanted to love me, you know, in a hypothetical world, so I often utilized Adam to achieve these ends and I so I think that’s probably why the Dean/Adam pairing so appealed to me. Adam was such a blank slate when he was introduced and so yeah.
I’m not entirely sure I set out to say any of that cuz it’s kinda…super personal, gosh…
But anyways, so ace!Dean is important to me. Not just cuz I figured out recently that I’m ace but because now that I’ve imagined it, I can no longer UNSEE it. I just can’t.
Imagine a Dean who craves emotional and physical connection in a non-sexual way. Remember that people respond to him in a noticeably sexual way, and also that Jensen has mentioned or hinted at that he believes that at one point when Dean was younger he resorted to prostitution and sex work to make enough money to survive and support Sammy. Dean clearly learned the use of his looks early on and the way in which people responded to him. Being a survivalist he learned how to use this to his advantage and even figured that despite the fact that he seemed to be really good at this whole sex thing, he never seemed to enjoy it. What he liked was the part after, where he got to be close to someone physically, and emotionally close to someone in an affectionate way.
Let’s propose that in this line of thought he learns quickly that people don’t like skipping straight to the after part that Dean likes best, and he figures that what he has to give up in order to get to the part he likes is the sex no matter how little he enjoys it, which is not at all. After repeated reinforcements from frequent experience that people only appreciate him for his sexual value, Dean starts to believe it.
Enter Castiel (or Adam, ya know, for the sake of my shipping purposes), who only seems to appreciate him for the exact opposite. He appreciates Dean for everything else about him, his soul, his emotions, his intellect, for everything that he is---(except the part Dean doesn’t care about). Even though he never truly looks at Dean in a sexual way, Dean jokes about it, tries to point it out, possibly I believe because it’s something familiar. Even if it’s something he doesn’t like, and probably resents, it’s easier because it’s something he knows how to deal with. This other thing, the whole looking at Dean like he’s everything that fixes the world and holds it together for Castiel, that is something that makes Dean so happy it scares the shit out of him.
So Dean makes jokes and he pulls away and he doesn’t trust Cas all the way, until he does and when Cas lets him down it just absolutely wrecks him. I mean, it wrecks him just as much as when Sammy lets him down. Which this is also an important comparison for me because clearly I ship wincest (just not the main obvious one, I ship the other wincest, lol), but I think that ace!Dean makes wincest make so much more sense.
I’ve read so many fics where Dean is sub or bottom simply because even though he obviously loves Sam in that way he can’t justify or make sense of fucking his little brother. It makes him feel like he’s hurting him or that what he’s doing is wrong and he can only rationalize it if he’s letting Sam do something, if Sam is the dominant one taking action.
Now, if we’re using this logic where Dean would do that because he loves Sam in a romantic way, or a very deep intense way, and it’s the sex part that upsets him, but it’s sort of a part of the deal…wouldn’t ace!Dean make sense here? Like, doesn’t it make it make more sense for Dean to not quite cotton on at first to romantic love, because, hey, it’s not like he wants to have sex wit Sam, so it’s obviously just brotherly love…
Think of all the possibilities for fic, with that. Just…let that percolate a bit.
But so…now pretty much ace!Dean gives me life, and is my everything and now I need to write all the fic.
Sunday seems to be a hellaciously slow LJ day. But I keep trekkin' forward.
I like to RP and now I've got the hankering for it. :] I don't really like to do fan-character RP stuff, I prefer original characters, so if anyone is up for that, lemme know? :D
-Finally got a job. At the petco grooming salon. I'm a 'grooming assistant' on paper, but in the salon they call me a 'bather'. :] Yay money!
-Tentatively rewatching SPN seasons 1-3...maybe a bit of four. I have my boyfriend as co-pilot in the rewatching. Who knows if this'll get me back into the fandom. If it does, it'll likely get me back into the 1-3 portion of it. :] It was just happier then.
, I saw this when I woke up this morning, and omg love
, every time I see a breathtakingly beautiful mix on the fanmix
comm these days, I look at the username, and it's made by you. <3 Keep it up, babe.
I've gotten so sick and tired of everyone hating on this woman. Yes, what she did was terrible. But let's look at darling William for a second:
-He sleeps with any over-age woman who comes on cast.
-He's naive and gullible.
-He's tightfisted with what control he does have.
-As pointed out by students in the past, he's selfish and hypocritical to the point he bowls over anyone in the way of what he wants.
-He has gone through two women with mental illnesses and sent them to therapy to no end other than to point out their flaws (it seems).
-Oh, and also, he likes to shove his WIFE up against a cabinet when he's mad. His wife who he'd /thought/ and /hoped/ was pregnant at the time....WHY IS THIS OKAY?
Terri is a very interesting character to me. Yes she lied about the baby thing, but if we all remember /why/ it's because her husband was having an emotional affair with another woman, and had 'a foot out the door'.
When Terri's sister Kendra came over and found out that there was no baby. Do we recall the look of absolute terror on the 'terrible' Terri's face? That was genuine fear, people. The kind of fear of abandonment that comes from serious trauma. I mean, that's what motivated her towards the initial lie. She was /going/ to tell Will even though she was that scared. It was Kendra, her stronger, conniving, controlling sister who suggested they 'get Terri a baby'.
Yes Terri has issues, but why? My guess is at the minimum she was most likely abused growing up. If you look at her and her sister they're two sides of the same coin. Terri is covertly controlling, passive aggressive, needy, and terrified. Kendra is overtly controlling, outright aggressive, dominating, and intimidating.
This is just speculation on my part, but I just, I wish /somebody would talk about this/. I've not seen any discussion of Terri's character on any of the main Glee communities, and it annoys the crap out of me.
I'm sorry that she hurt 'precious william'. But you know what?
Will Schuester lost my respect when he shoved his wife around in 1.12 'Mattress'. Not okay.
I welcome your thoughts. If you're going to disagree with me, that's fine, but please don't do so in a 'this is stupid!!!11!!1' type way. <3
- Tags:!commissions, !ffffffffffff, !gasp it's public, !spam, !squee, advertisement, do want, fic, fuck, hai hai hai lookit this plz!, i have so much to do, kay is determined, kay writes...really
Dear straight people: please, stop. Stop with the “retweet/reblog/repost/like/acknowledge this if you have a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender friend you love and accept unconditionally!”
Here’s the thing: you don’t deserve a fucking accolade for this. I don’t give a flying crap that you love and accept me unconditionally - oh yay, you’re treating me like I’m “normal”. OH WAIT, I AM. This crap makes me feel more ‘othered’ than rampant homophobia, and I’m tired of it.
Accept me unconditionally, sure. But don’t spam it all over the internet like you think you deserve a fucking pat on the head and a biscuit for it.
RE: posted by lackadaisy
I'm about to do a HUGE cut of my friends list, guys, and I'm really sorry to all of you that have already been cut and/or are going to be. I know that a lot of people tend to take being on someone's friends list really seriously, and when they're removed, they're sad pandas.
I just want you to know that if I cut you, I don't necessarily think that we're not longer friends. To me it's pretty much always been a list. Whether or not you're on it doesn't necessarily affect how much I like you or don't like you.
As it stands, most of the friends I keep in touch with most often I do so outside of LJ, on AIM or some other such IM, or through txting or on the phone. And if any of you who are being cut would like to still stay in touch with me, feel free to add me on any of my IM's, the info's in my profile, just please send me a PM first letting me know who's adding me so I can keep an eye out! :D
Also, there are a few of you I'm cutting that I've been especially close to in the past, and I would still like to talk to you outside of LJ, and I still consider you friends, I just don't think we comment at each other enough to stay on each other's lists. Does that make sense? Probably not. :C
If you can see ~this post~, you haven't been cut.